I would tell you that I have this fear that I cannot quite explain.
I fear of failure
I fear of making the wrong decision
I fear of being judged
I fear of being imperfect and not accepted because of it
Most of all, I fear of being judged. I fear that my decisions in life is not the best that I could have made and I will be judged for it. I fear that my imperfections caused inconvenience to the people around me and they will be judged because of me and my competence due to this imperfections. I feel that I am always being chased by this so called ‘Judgements’.
I felt like I have spent my whole life trying to get people’s approval and I am not even sure why I started becoming like this.
Did you see that I always start my sentences with I. I sounded so selfish because I always talk about ‘I’, but isn’t it ironic that ‘I’ always depends on other people’s “yes”?
This surely is something that I will never tell you all. Because we may not have the chance to have coffee together.
What would you tell me if we were having coffee together?