We celebrated our one year anniversary in early March, online. It is not new to us, as we have always celebrated our month-sary online, except once when Alex was here to visit me early this year. We learn more about each other day by day and no day went without having a call from him, even if it is just a short one. And thanks to technology, I get to see his face everyday. ^_^ (Aren’t we blessed that we are born in this day and age?)
As we started our relationship online, we do not have much problem at the start of our relationship. He made sure to make time to call me every night despite the time difference, which I really appreciate. I never ask him to, and found it weird to be very attached and on the phone every night. However, After some time, I have come to realise that this daily communication is very important to keep us close emotionally. I will explain more about it at the later part of the blog.
The struggles really starts after he went back from his first visit to Melbourne last August. I missed him, and cried on my way home from the airport after dropping him off. His physical existence, and being able to observe him up close on how he think, how he do things, drink, eat, how he interact with my friends and family, and also how he care for me is really precious to me. The time we spent together was short, but lets say that it is intense. Contrary to the couple who live in the same city, we do not have that privilege to have that date any other week, or that meet up any other day. I guess this way, we were also become closer, willing to put more effort and appreciate our relationship more.
Among all the things that we have been doing, I think what works for us is to keep a good and honest communication everyday, praying together every night, and solving our arguments before we went to bed.
A good and honest communication is really important because to be emotionally close with your partner, you always have be honest about how you feel and your thoughts. I said emotionally close because, you can be physically close with someone, but not feeling ‘at home’ when you are with this person. Do not bottle up your negative feelings about your partner. I think it is best to address it with your partner, and ask what solutions that both of you can come up with. This way you can see his perspectives before falsely judging his actions.
And while I am talking about honesty, I want to touch on insecurities that can easily affect long distance couple. When you live in different cities (or countries), not being able to be in each others side could make you feel very insecure. This is where good and honest communication could help ease the insecurities, if not banish it for good. I remember my brother ever asked me, ‘So you have been in a LDR with this man, are you sure that you can trust him?’. I am sure my brother speaks out of care and I can see where his thought come from. I do not commit to this relationship without thinking of the consequences (and If you are thinking to be in a LDR, you should think it through too. Is he trustworthy? What is his personality? Is he partygoers who likes to drink and spend time and money with and on women? etc.). Before we started our relationship, I have only seen Alex for a few times. Hence, I could only observe of what he said online, and see if he is doing what he said he is going to do. And thankfully so far he has been, and so I started trusting him more and more. After all relationship is a process and not just a destination 🙂
In addition to good and honest communication, we also pray together every night. We are both catholics and we are very blessed to have met each other. Through praying, we put up our wishes and goals for the future of our relationship and our lives together, praying for our families’ health and happiness, and any concerns we have that we would like to surrender to God. If you practise any religious believe, doing this with your partner can really help you grow closer to each other. I think there is something about prayer that opens up any parties that is involved, showing their vulnerabilities and weaknesses, and at the same time the act of praying could be seen as a bravery and believe that they will be able to overcame the problems together with God.
Last but not least, we always try to solve our arguments before we go to bed, even if that means we have to sleep at 2 or 3 am in the morning. We are not the most perfect couple, we argue about many things. Having this rule in our relationship really helps us to move on from petty arguments. We also become closer after each argument is solved. I would actually suggest this for anyone who read this and is in a relationship right now. Don’t wait until tomorrow, and remember to say your sorry and thank you. 🙂
So to conclude this blog, I’d say that our relationship has its ups and downs, but more ups than downs. I am so grateful to have met him, and have allowed myself to receive love from him for the past one year. I have never felt so secure and supported in a relationship and I thank God everyday for this wonderful journey He has put me into.
We are moving along with our future plans and planned to have our parents meet soon! Please pray for us so that everything will go well. (Amen!)
Thank you for reading our one year LDR story. May this blog be a helpful read for you all.
Love // Irene